Impecunious, Hoarfrost

*sigh* It's that time of year, isn't it... The time where you walk outside to the brisk air, only to slip on ice. The time of shaking all the hoarfrost off the plants in your garden. The time of gift giving, but more importantly (and expensively), gift buying. You watch your wallet slowly cripple with hunger, but to no avail. It moans for more cash, but, shame, you spent all your money on presents, you poor, impecunious being.

Hoarfrost:
Mom: Ice that forms instantaneously on muddy ground
Dad:
Kevin: Frost that only occurs on trees
Justin: Frost that only occurs on a horse

Okay. Close your eyes. Now imagine frost on the ground. Imagine frost on the window. Imagine Frosty the Snowman. Imagine Frosty in a bikini. Now open your eyes. I'm on a centaur.  This blog is brought to you by Old Spice.
Anyway, back to frost. Don't you always feel so bad for your plants that are all outside in the snow, and they're always covered in that really cool frost? That frost is known as Hoarfrost (left), and it's a less common version of "regular" frost. What's so special about Hoarfrost is that it comes about by water in the air freezing to the currently-frozen plant. When the wind blows the moisturized air into the ice, some of that water in the air gets frozen to the plant and it builds and it builds and it builds and it builds. When freezing temperatures converge with fog, however, the result is a phenomenon called "Rime Formations" (below)

The word Hoarfrost, though it has no clear etymology, appears in the Bible. 
"He giveth snow like wool; he spreadeth the hoarfrost like ashes" -KJV Psalm 147:16.


Impecunious:
Mom: Having no taste, tasteless
Dad:
Kevin: Utterly forgettable
Justin: Disturbing

Don't you hate talking to your friends (or strangers at the bus stop) and then have to explain that you have no money, but you don't want to say the word "broke"? Well now, for the low low price of $19.99, you can use the word Impecunious to avoid saying that your pockets are hole-y. Because they are synonyms after all.
The word Impecunious comes to us from none other than the Latin-speakers. Yes, the Romans and their many words... They obviously didn't want Jesus, Alexander the Great, and Cleopatra knowing their weakness of no-money syndrome, so they made this word that others wouldn't understand.*
Anyway, the Latin word pecunious means money, and that combined with im-, meaning not, you now have the word that is synonymous with Not Money. Language!

*That's all a lie. None of those lived in the same time period. I'm funny.

Assonance, Zeugmas, and Paraprosdokians

Recently, while surfing the web, I came across some words regarding language (Assonance, Zeugmas, and Paraprosdokians), and how it may be portrayed in poetry, metaphors, and humor, respectively. These aren't words that you can use in daily conversation, but may just be good words to know.

So what is Assonance? Assonance is a form of poetry where the same sound is repeated over and over. This could be a set of vowels, a set of consonants, or a combination of both.
In English, there are two common lines involving Assonance:

How now, Brown Cow?  and  The Rain in Spain falls Mainly on the Plain

Assonance is simply alliteration of sounds and syllables instead of specific letters.
A more "severe" form of this poetry is Univocalic Style. Guess why.          No, go ahead. Guess. I bet you're wrong.
Univocalic Poetry is when the author uses only one vowel, (A, E, I, O, or U) and no other. I can see that being really difficult. Here, let me try:

Gordon cooks food:

Wow, good food.

Josh cooks food:

Poor food.

I guess it wasn't as difficult as I thought... But Reverse Univocalic. That's really difficult, like this classic example:

How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about this paragraph? It looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, and, in fact, nothing is. But it is unusual. Why? If you study it and think about it, you may find out, but I am not going to assist you in any way. You must do it without coaching. No doubt, if you work at it for long, it will dawn on you. Who knows? Go to work and try your skill. Par is about half an hour.

That paragraph contained no E's. How does one even do that?
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Zeugmas are a pretty cool figure of speech where you combine a metaphoric reference with a literal one, and tie it all together. For example, with weeping eyes and hearts, or You are free to execute your laws, and your citizens, as see fit.*
While researching this, I found my favorite one in the comments section of an article:
"Hitmen are expensive, so she took out a loan and her husband."
Also, there's basically no information on this, so let's move on, shall we?

*That one was from a Star Trek episode. Fun Fact.
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Paraprosdokians, otherwise known as the most annoying word to spell, are actually a really fun figure of wordplay. It's been used multiple times by well-known names, such as Stephen Colbert, Winston Churchill, Groucho Marx, Aristotle, and, of course, Homer Simpson.
So what is a Paraprosdokian? Well, if you figure that Para- means Against, and Prosdokia- means Expectation, you can assume that it means Something Unexpected. And that's exactly what it is. A Paraprosdokian is a phrase with an unexpected turn at the end, normally humorous. For instance:
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing--After trying everything else first." -Winston Churchill

Now, what's interesting is that every so often, you get a Paraprosdokian that plays on a word and a different meaning on that same word, like: Time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana. This is playing off the word "Fly", using it as both a verb and a noun. Does that sound familiar at all? I should hope so, because this Paraprosdokian is actually a form of a Zeugma! Yes! That word you just learned! Except that these also go by another name: Garden Path Sentences:

Garden Path Sentences are forms of Zugmas and Paraprosdokians, but a bit more complex. For example, try to make sense of the following sentence.

The old man the boat.

It's a bit confusing, right? But if you think about it, and after you splice the sentence (make it more clear), you end up with something along the lines of "The boat was manned by the Elderly"
The name "Garden Path Sentences" comes from the saying "To be led down the garden path", rather, "To mislead"

Wintercearig

What a great word, Wintercearig. (Win-ter-sherry)  I'm sure that you can guess what this adjective means, but can other people?

Mom: A Gaelic word. A jaunty, frolicky manner

Dad: Dark and Gloomy

Kevin: Having snowman-like features

Justin: Dressed with respect to the season

Jessie: Someone who goes down chimneys. (I think she didn't want to create an adjective.)

Kimmy: Disappointing, in reference to when it rains (as opposed to snowing)

Oh, what sorrow for Wintercearig people. It's sad, don't you think, when someone is brought down in the dumps by a Christmas-y, snowy Winter...

Then again, I am very Wintercearig when it snows and, I mean, you have to go out in the snow, right? But then you come back in and you sit your bones down by the fire, but you're still cold on the inside... And that kinda sucks. You know what else puts me in a Wintercearig mood? The greediness that lies within all people during the Christmas shopping season. 

Anyway, Wintercearig.

This word comes to us with many thanks to Alemania, rather, Germany. I mean, I'm guessing you can figure out what Winter means... But the Cearig? Where does that come from? Well, it actually derives from the Proto-Germanic* root Karagaz, which means Anxious or Wary. What's more, the English word Chary, which also means Wary.

So yeah. Wintercearig.

*The most "recent" version of the language

Pro-Tip: Compliment/Thank all your cashiers whenever you go shopping because they probably had a really rough day!!!